Celebrating Personal Transformations - Moments in motherhood and career

3 months ago I made the journey back to work after 10 months on maternity leave. As we sit down to write our blogs, I feel compelled to recognise this shift in my life over the last year, how I have felt working in GG and how my new lives intertwine with work. 

When friends asked me how I was feeling about returning to work, I felt incredibly lucky to be feeling positive about that change. There were a number of reasons for this…

• I felt supported financially through my maternity due to our newly developed maternity leave policy, which for a small charity is better than some large companies. 

• I knew that coming back to work I was heading to a site equipped with a beautiful function building, and a lush life-full garden

• I felt that upon my return I would be able to work flexible hours, certainly during the transition. I gradually increased my days, and began by going in later in the morning to ensure both me and the dad could begin the day well 

• I felt secure about where my baby was during the day, with the dad doing the childcare and having been supporting, loving, and present throughout our transformations into a family. The interlinking of personal life and work life are untenable. To be able to perform well at work and feel positive about it, I had to be supported at home, and to feel well at home I had to feel that work was achievable, calm, and fun. 

• I had been lucky enough to visit the Paper Garden as a participant at the new Under 5’s programme 

• I had been kept up to date with developments within the team and the garden and was coming back to work with a newly defined role

• I was excited to rejoin the team who had been working so hard over the last 10 months to develop the organisation, garden and programmes  

• I was reassured by knowing food was going to be there for lunch every day at work, having learnt so much about my body sustenance since being a mum and how much I needed food to be prepared in advance  

• I knew I was coming back to an organisation full of carers of all kinds -  children, mothers, fathers, plant tenderers, chicken whisperers, to name a few. These people, and of course I include the young people we work with in this bracket, have hearts so big and would welcome me back with warmth, compassion and honesty. I was safe in the knowledge I was coming back to be inspired by these beings. 

It is important for me to recognise, there were teething challenges when I rejoined. These included but are no way limited to: 

• Finding space within the team again, finding my self confidence in my role, while recognising everyone's growth, new responsibilities and ownership over the space.

• I used to know all the codes, where everything was, who did what, but not only was my mind forgetful but everything has been rehomed in the move into the building. 

• Dealing with the mental and physical pull between motherhood and profession has been hard to find rhythm in. The juxtaposition between the pace of Western world and the slowness and time required for caring is highlighted to me more than ever before. 

• There was someone missing at work, whose presence is felt in every glance at the pallet constructed beds, the mended wobbly wheelbarrows, and the clay. Siw. 

I now appreciated more the moments with the green, with the young people, with the team. I also have come back with new intentions about how to be a manager and how to bring the Listening Circles into our culture as an organisation. I think I have found extra confidence in my experience as a mother, how I have worked as a team at home to navigate challenges through improved communication and empathy. These are transferable skills, these are the kind of things I will write on my CV as a way of promoting the experience of parenthood as important and valuable for all parts of society.  This is something that much of the political and economic world fails to acknowledge and celebrate. The act alone of writing this blog feels as though I am more confident to bring different parts of myself into the light and to be able to discuss these things in the workplace feels like such a privilege, and highlights again to me why I felt comfortable returning to work. As we work towards our Winter Celebration on 13th December I am excited to use some of these newly discovered skills and plan together again with the team and young people something that will celebrate, inspire and challenge perceptions. 

I am often more emotional, working on sleepless nights, with changing hormones, and managing expectations at home and at work. I’m sure this emotion means more for me and the team to navigate. I still have a long way to go and lots to learn. But this emotion I hope also softens my outlook on the world, gives me greater perspective, and inspires me to carry on making decisions that help move the world to a more just place to be. 

Me and my baby visit the wonderful team who have been working on the classroom and garden (below)

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Notes from the Garden